... "No. They're all at the funeral."--A Cape Bretoner walked into a crowded local bar, waving his Colt 45 with an 8 shot clip and yelled,"Who in here...has been screwing my wife?"A Newfie from the back of the bar yelled back,"You're gonna need more ammo!"WHILE ON A ROAD TRIP, AN ELDERLY COUPLE, STOPPED AT A PIZZA HUT FOR LUNCH.AFTER FINISHING THEIR MEAL, THEY LEFT THE RESTAURANT, AND RESUMED THEIR TRIP TO PHOENIX.WHEN LEAVING, THE ELDERLY WOMAN UNKNOWINGLY LEFT HER GLASSES ON THE TABLE, AND SHE. I potter around the house for a while, a bit bored with the sudden lack of attention, but then I remember that you had swimming practice tonight. A thought popping into my head, with a smile I pack my bag and grab my phone before heading out of the door.It's already dark outside due to the English winter we are in the middle of. As I walk down the street I notice there is not much activity around the swimming complex. I enter through the doors, shutting them carefully behind me, and walk into. Maybe he would finally lose his virginity. Tommy was never the most popular kid in school, but he definetly wasn’t a loser either. He had dated plenty, but he just never had the opportunity. He was pretty good looking, and blonde. Having never had sex, he was horny as hell. He jacked off and went on porn up a lot, but little did he know he soon wouldn’t have to do that anymore, for it would all be a reality.While he was walking, almost to school, he noticed something in the gutter. He went to. ‘Well I do need more office space and it would be nice to have my living room back.’ ‘Too bad you don’t live in that big house next door.’ ‘That was my parents house, this is all part of their little farm.’ ‘You say that was? They don’t live there anymore?’ ‘No they were murdered last fall.’ I watched as her cup stopped at her lips and she looked at me. ‘Oh my God really?’ ‘I found them in their bedroom.’ She put her cup down without drinking and looked at me and said, ‘I’m so sorry…I…’ .
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