I had no will of my own and had become a spectator of my own life. Itwas no longer about what I was doing, but what was being done to me.These are cl...ssic symptoms of depression or the blues.As I sat there waiting for the kettle to boil, Sarah came into thekitchen."John, you know that when you dress as a girl, you need to have a newname. We can't go round calling you John. I think it would beempowering for you, on becoming a girl, to choose your own name."A normal guy, determined to hold on. Hearing her say that i got aroused. I said I will try. After some hours I asked her instead of sleeping with all those people just sleep with me and I will ask my father to help. She was shell shocked hearing that. I said its about money and I cant do the favour without anything back. I teased her saying her daughter might be fucked by them or might turn a prostitute to live. If she allows me her family can live happily. We were alone at home, as Anjali was staying away for collage and grandmom. Apparently to be happy most gays need a strong sex so they are happy .... Emmy everybody to live life according to their understanding, I do not impose my thinking on anyone, my hopes and feelings. Most people enter into a relationship with high expectations, life taught me not to expect and hope for anything, so I avoid the risk of disappointment, which is almost always certain. No man is an island alone, and can not be alone in life but better alone than with an inappropriate relationship. She was quiet then for the longest time. She cleared the table and did up the few dishes quickly, and I wondered whether I had answered her question to her satisfaction. How would I ever know? Each person is so very unique in their thinking and values. She was still drying her hands on the dish towel, her back to me at the table, ‘No wonder your daughter is so smart.’ She paused, she had spent a lot of time with Jennifer by now, and they had become good friends. ‘With a Dad like you to.
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